Sharon Nalwenge, who will turn 25 in February, has been working as a seamstress since 2021. Her shop is in the Namugongo area of the Ugandan district of Wakiso, not far from the small town where she grew up with her uncle’s family. Although this is the first job she ever had, in reality she has been hard at work since she was a little girl. Nalwenge, who was born in the eastern district of Busia, lost her father when she was 3 and was doubly orphaned at age 4. Immediately she and an older sister went to live with a maternal uncle who appeared genuinely supportive but whose wife proved difficult to live with. Nalwenge was beaten almost every day. She was forbidden from interacting with her cousins. And she was washing heaps of clothes and ironing them by the time she turned 8. One evening, when Nalwenge was a teenager, the abusive aunt returned home and ordered Nalwenge and her sister to pack their bags and go. “You girls, I am tired of seeing you,” she recalled the woman as saying that evening. Their uncle, who was present, didn’t intervene. In this way Nalwenge was ushered violently and finally into adulthood. “That’s how we started living, me and my sister, without them.”
This is Nalwenge’s diary as a tailor, but it’s dominated by the traumatizing memory of growing up in her uncle’s household. The childhood experience, which left her feeling generally fearful, continues to condition her life. Even though she tries in her work to avoid conflict, which can trigger feelings of rejection, she routinely faces some difficult customers. Many are impatient. Others are entitled. Others don’t know what they want. And yet others are querulous, openly insulting her. But she has a supportive boss, one who encourages her rather than puts her down. Nalwenge told TWR that she also draws strength from her faith as a born-again Christian. Even when she meets the abusive aunt, she said, “I greet her with a joyful heart.” She says she stopped being resentful about dropping out of high school and that peer pressure no longer has an effect on her.
Nalwenge went to tailoring school after dropping out of high school. She spoke of tailoring as natural work for her, pointing out that, as a child, she often had a needle in her hands and could be found stitching things, or plugging holes in apparel, or making outfits for dolls. This is Nalwenge’s diary, presented in her own voice and unedited throughout, although there are minor interventions for the sake of clarity. – TWR
07/11/24
[I] want to tell you what happened to me today at the shop, so a guy walked in and brought his clothes to do some repairs on them, but I told him to came back later in the evening… so time passed and evening reached then he came back to get his clothes, so guess what the man shouted at me that I didn’t do [what] he wanted… but this guy when he walked in the first time, he told me to measure his height which I did but he was like this is not what I told you, he quarelled yet some other customer was sitted there I felt ashamed. I wanted to cry, I got angry and he made me to reply in a rude way because I had admitted that yes I made a mistake and I will correct it but still he was shouting… I felt bad and it was my worst day that day. So finally he went back and surprisingly the customer who was there told me to relax, so I called my [boss] on phone, and explained everything, you people am blessed to have a very sweet boss, she told me also to relax, well what I want you learn is to always be humble, and have customer care, like every customer has their own behaviors and manners but as [it’s] you who is selling or you who is attending to that customer please be down to earth.
08/11/24
I got [a call] from my sister-in-law from Bombo, she told how my brother mistreats her in the presence of [their] kids. Imagine she told me how my brother abuses her like he uses vulgar language imagine in the presence of the kids and other people, and this man who is my brother also he’s a drunkard and when he comes back home he’s very cruel, like he’s really bad, so [she was] telling me that she’s tired of all of that and she wants to leave, and she was asking for my advice. well I told her one thing that let’s just pray and ask God if that man is hers then God will change him but [if] he’s not hers then may the will of the Almighty be done, and also she told me that whenever this man comes back very drunk she just uses her money that he finds in the house and also when he’s at work he calls the wife to give him some money, then also as a supportive wife she sends. She also told me that she bought a fridge but the man could come with his friends and waste or use everything in the fridge, so she’s fed up of putting anything in the fridge again, so for me what I told her is that she should open up a bank account such that she starts saving her money there so if all doesn’t work out well and she’s to leave the house or separate with my brother, she will be having some money on her account to use for a start wherever she goes… This lady, it was her first time calling me and she told me what she’s going through. My dear I really felt bad about her and it really touched my heart.
13/11/24
By the way water is life. I have a story to tell about the issues that I got while I was not taking water. I loved tea more than water by then. Yes, I still love tea but water has to be in plans also. At least two glasses of water before I sleep. Hey, to cut the long story, several times I used to get constipations but I could not mind but it was one time when I got serious constipation that even brought so little blood. I had to go on google very fast and search about that kind of constipation and how to go about it because I was so scared, like I started thinking a lot about that condition. So I told myself to stop eating hard things i.e things that have a lot of wheat. I started taking water randomly, fruits for like one week but it came back to normal, and now am still taking my water as well as my tea cause that’s my favorite. So basically water is everything, water is life.
18/11/24
My dear, have you ever been in a situation when you cry alone and feel like crying? Sometimes I cry, you know this kind of incident happens [to] me a lot and more so when you are alone in a quiet place, u feel as if there’s no one who cares about you or even loves u, at times I even ask God that why was I created because u see there was a lot that happened when I was still a young girl … no mum, no dad. they both died when I was very young but my growing wasn’t easy, but what I am today is better than last time. I want to [cry] whenever I recall that I have to stand on my two legs and try to make ends meet. this growing up has taught me a lot of lessons. I was telling u when am in that situation of wanting to cry, most cases I feel I want to be alone in a cool environment where no one knows me [and] I hide there for a while. For sure sometimes I get tired of everything, and more so [it] hurts when you are so committed to God but seem to get no response, like at times you can pray and fast but u don’t get to hear from God and things are not patching up, this breaks me down, but in actual sense sometimes God keeps silent because [you] can’t go to Him praying with a disturbed mind. What I know u have to relax and He will speak, and yes Him alone knows all our weaknesses, the pain, and whenever I go to kneel down to pray, I go down and pour out my heart to Him and definitely peace comes (Galatians 5:22-23). You know whenever am in this situation I remember the story of Job in the Bible where he lost everything but still he worshipped God, so I tell myself Sharon you have never reached where Job was, so cheer up and rejoice in the Lord for He will make a way where it seems to be no way. My humble advice to us all is to have someone to talk to whenever you feel down, more so someone spiritual like pastors, Apostles, ok someone who really loves God.
19/11/2024
By the way this morning I have woken up asking and wondering why most prominate people are dying these days, and yes have realised it’s due to stress, anxiety… you see people are having stress looking for money, and how to sustain their families but money is an issue, so due to that people have decided to commit suicide, and another thing is land issues, people are fighting over that, and they have killed each other just over that, and this also breaks me down, but may the good Lord help us, but what I think is that once you have life the rest shall follow, just have peace within you and rest, life is more important than any other thing, just like the Bible says in Mathew 6:25. By the way, knowing and believing in God is also very important.
20/11/24
Now a customer walked in the shop one time and gave us an order but she found me and my boss around, so my boss told her to come back on Monday, so Monday comes but were very busy and she came in and asked for her clothes. We hadn’t worked on them, oh my God the lady was bitter, she quarreled, it was so painful but remember when she came on Saturday to place her order, she found us very busy, for us here we have a system that we have to work on the first customer first then the rest follows but she couldn’t mind whether we were still busy or, oh dear the lady quarrelled, and my dear I was at the shop alone I faced it rough I felt like crying… but thank God, I couldn’t say anything. After all that she left furious and angry, so when my boss came back I told her everything and she started working on her… Surprisingly [my boss] finished it and called but she didn’t come for her cloth.
21/11/24
Am hurt by what they talk about tailors, mechanics etc, now for me I will talk about us tailors, I really feel bad when people say that when you [give] a tailor your cloth, you will get it not worked on, and some say that tailors are lazy, liars, fake, just know they call us names… but literally that’s not how it’s my dear….u see because everyone talks about tailors like that even everyone will see it that way and start saying that but everyone is not like the way you see or hear about them, remember the way u confess can lead to a positive or negative response so let’s not judge before seeing or using that very person, it really nags like talking about your friends like that… what if it was you?
29/11/24
There’s this thing bothering me, someone hating you without cause, like hating you out of the blue, like now there’s this girl who is ignoring me and even her reaction has changed towards me but I don’t know why, but for me I take things easy or cool. I hate putting myself on pressure, she will come back once she has come back to her senses.
30/11/24
Today I want to talk about my boss, this lady is really a wonderful lady, she’s a counselor, a role model. I always tell her that she inspires me a lot and I love taking her advises, am so humbled to have her, I really don’t know the right words to describe her, but I really love her, she has loved me as if am her daughter, may God bless her for me.
1/12/24
Have remembered something, like working for relatives … that I regret working for them, In 2018 I went and worked for my step-brother in his juice business, but my dear it wasn’t easy, he could not pay me even a single penny, just know you could work since morning till late evening, the job was so tiresome… so what I decided is never to work for a relative.
2/12/24
It was my friend’s introduction ceremony but it rained heavily since morning up to around midday but God was faithful it stopped and the function [started] but guess what the inlaws came very late like at around 6 pm yet they were supposed to be there by 1pm but before they came, my dear some visitors had started talking ill about this whole thing… for us we just kept quiet and kept inside praying and believing God to do something. finally, they came late but we thanked God that they came and the ceremony went on very well.
3/12/24
Today I want to tell you that there’s no other thing that can make you calm down like prayer and drawing closer to God. You know that sometimes when I feel so low, I pray or give myself [peace] of mind.
4/12/24
It’s today that I sat down and wrote all the debts that I have, my dear and this also made me break down into tears, l cried a bit at my workplace, but I told myself that Sharon if now you are crying, will the debts pay themselves, you had better wipe those tears away and pray to God, so I did that and at once I was at peace. You people, there’s peace in prayer, whenever am down prayer and worship songs cool me down.
6/12/24
Today I want to tell you something small about my growing up, my growing up wasn’t easy but because God knows me and He has sustained me with His grace and mercy, I really bless the name of the Lord; ok I have grown up as an orphan, no mom, no dad, I grew up from my late mother’s side where I grew up with so much pain, fear, and emptiness within me, it has not been easy sincerely. Ok when my parents died, my mum’s brother (uncle) swore that he will take care of his sister’s children, because that man is rich, of which he took us in but I went with him and my big sis the one I follow but life there wasn’t good due to his wife’s behaviour, like the lady showed to us a bad character, she mistreated us to too much although somehow I thank God I learnt some house work. but this lady never loved us even a single bit, she could shout, beat, quarell all the time even without doing anything wrong. so this put fear in me, but my dear whenever she could do such, I could go in the banana plantations and start crying, calling my late mum’s name, I used to ask God why didn’t he leave for me at least one parent. you people losing all the parents is very painful and that leads to the beginning of your suffering, no one can love you better than your real parents.
8/12/24
I stay with my sister whom I follow but she’s older than me by 8 years, my dear it’s very hard to converse with her. I mean see that difference, it’s very hard to set a conversation with her unless she starts the jazz. I also go by that. She is a principled lady, she loves God, she has been like a mother to me. Since we lost our parents I have been with her, everywhere she goes am there, we’ve passed through thick and thin but God has been there, and I believe God will see us through. I love her so much.
11/12/2024
I want to tell about how I hate begging for money. A short story about this, I remember when I was still staying with my uncle who was responsible for paying my school fees, but this man whenever l could go and ask for school fees, he could quarrel and at times abuse me. Even when he’s to give, he could just throw it, u know this could break my heart, and I could cry, so this made me become contented with the little I have even when I could have a problem I used to just keep quiet, and also when I could be with a boyfriend, he could never hear me ask money from him, because I hate begging ever up to now. All in all let’s learn to be contented with whatever we have.
16/12/24
I want to tell you something of the past, my dear when I was 17 years old I started these things of boyfriend because not that I wanted but because I wasn’t given all the needs at home. My dear there came in a guy who had money and would give me money and by that time as a girl I needed some other basic needs, ie pads, shoes, clothes and scholarstic materials. So my dear when this guy came in he started giving me money, and I could get what I want, so with time he wanted to sleep with me and that I couldn’t accept. We just broke up and ended the relationship, so what am trying to say is that not every girl child who gets a boyfriend it’s because they love them and they want to have one, it’s just the situation at home pushing them to do such a thing and more so if you are an orphan, the world pushes you to do such things. So we really need support, being an orphan is hard.
17/12/24
Today we were somewhere, me, my sister and my cousin, so we were there conversing about our past history/ stories we had in my uncle’s home, you know we lived in a lot of fear whereby our aunty had a character in that whenever she finds you in her sitting room, it’s trouble. so here is the story, like whenever we were in the sitting room watching tv and hear her hooting at the gate, u would run to your room and if you remember that you forgot something in the sitting room my God you could run very fast and get it then run back to your room again, but hello, this lady could notice that there was someone in the sitting room, then she starts querelling and at times beats us. u see even touching the album like to see some photos would make her cane us. another thing, she could come back from work and you go to greet her but you would kneel down to greet her and she doesn’t respond for like 15 minutes or even 30 minutes, and u just decide to go away, and when she finds you like outside, she could ask you why you haven’t greeted her. My God this could also made her angry.
18/12/24
Again today I met an old girl, this girl we were tight friends back then in school, but surprisingly when I met her and tried to give her a hug, my dear she ignored me and just looked at me, imagine with all the love I came with she didn’t bother even to smile at me, u know she just asked me “who are you madam?” I first turned back thinking maybe she’s asking someone behind me but I was amused when she told me that am asking you. My dear I just apologised and told her to forgive me for stopping her, she left and I also left but she left me thinking that why did she do such a thing yet we were tight buddies at school. this really broke me down. Yeah that has been my day, full of surprises and questioning myself. ▪